As a new manager, I once worked for a very bright and accomplished director. There was only one problem. In group meetings, she would often raise her voice and address the whole group when the issue was only with one or two managers. That drove me crazy and had a negative impact on my work environment.
I was all of 32 years old and inexperienced, but knew I had to do something. I made an appointment with her and met with her in her office. Picture a very small office, about the size of a closet. As I pulled my chair up next to hers, I felt my face and chest blush red. And man…..was it hot in there! But my Momma taught me you teach people how to treat you and this was not how I wanted to be treated. I shared with her the impact her behavior was having on me and asked her if her behavior was going to continue–because if it was, I needed to look for another job. She beamed, like she was proud of me (or was my red face causing a glow in the room?). She assured me her behavior would not continue and we left the meeting with a better understanding.
In future group meetings, if she were to raise her voice, I would raise my hand and ask, “Are you talking to me?”. She would indicate she was not talking to me and I would continue in the meeting knowing her frustration had nothing to do with me. On occasions this did happen, my question to her reminded her of our meeting and allowed me a buffer.
Years later, we keep in touch and enjoy each other’s company as peers. She calls her outbursts “little fits”, and every time she does, I laugh out loud and assure her there was nothing “little” about them.
How do you want people treat you? My Momma said you teach people how to treat you. I taught my boss that I was unwilling to be part of her “little fits”. Your silence speaks volumes. Consider how you want people treat you, and take steps in that direction. You can do it!
