Momma said, The Way You Start a Marriage is the Way You End a Marriage

I didn’t fully understand that until I was married. Here’s the thing. Marriage is hard. And it’s work. Anyone who says it’s not is not being real. But it’s worth it. And it’s about setting expectations early on.

My grandmother was a mother to four daughters, all who watched her example in her marriage. Like all of us, hers was not a perfect marriage. My grandfather was a sharecropper early in their marriage and that meant that my grandmother was the cook for the field hands at lunch. These were country meals. Think of a meat and three with cornbread and sweet tea. I can’t imagine cooking those large meals in a hot kitchen without air conditioning day in and day out. Talk about drudgery. There was no glamour, no fun, no trying new recipes – all things I like about cooking were missing for my grandmother.

My grandmother was a strong woman and had a lot of challenges in her marriage. My momma learned by watching her. My Momma determined she wanted a different life than my grandmother’s. She began by putting to use the wisdom her mother taught her.

The way you start a marriage is the way you end a marriage.
Because of her journey, my grandmother taught my Momma many uncommon truths and my Momma passed them down to me. My grandmother would often say to my Momma, “The way you start a marriage is the way you end a marriage”. My grandfather, after working in the fields, would leave his dirty work clothes in the middle of the floor. It was understood that my grandmother would pick them up from wherever he left them, wash them, and have them ready for him to wear. From this, my Momma learned to set expectations early in the relationship. If you want your spouse to show you respect, communicate that early in your relationship and begin by showing respect. Don’t settle for less. Set the pattern now that you want long term in your relationship.

It’s never too late to begin building the relationship you want. Is it hard? Yes. Is it work? Yes. Is it worth it. Absolutely! Ann Landers said, “Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead. That’s where your future lies”. Now get started!